how would you deal with the dreadful cycle of jealousy and self-condemnation?
Hey dear friend, I know this is a hugely complicated issue with no easy answer, but here are some posts and maybe a jumpstart to your process.
The thing about jealousy is that 1) we despise the lot we got in life and 2) we want to be someone else. And eventually it becomes destructive envy by 1) hoarding more than others, 2) holding others back and 3) hating really hard.
The only way out of this is 1) appreciate what God has given us and recognize He’s ultimately given us Himself, and 2) celebrate others for who they are instead of degrading them for what they’ve done.
The thing about self-condemnation is that 1) we feel bad about feeling bad and 2) we think we’ll never get past our faults.
The truth is that “feeling bad” often points to an objective reality of something broken with us or the world, and it’s true: we’ll never get past our faults.
God made a provision for self-condemnation through His Son. There’s no good advice to get us past this; there’s only good news. You can’t out-smart your own heart into self-congratulations. You can’t give yourself enough pep rallies to compensate for our failures. We can only see what He has done.
I get the feeling you’ve been measuring yourself on other people or measuring yourself on yourself. You don’t have to do that anymore. You can walk of that cycle right now, this second, by measuring yourself on grace. I know it’s scary as hell to consider grace, because it’s free. It throws off all our radars of achievement and trophies and rewards. But it’s the only real freedom. To know that you’re already accepted is such reckless ridiculous joy.
Maybe that’s a very churchy answer: but it’s no less true or glorious. Don’t beat yourself up. See you as God sees you. Trust what He’s done.